Written by Harmony Raveler, LMFTA
When headlines feel overwhelming and conversations about immigration enforcement enter our communities, many parents wonder how — or whether — to talk with their children about ICE. Children often hear more than we realize, and silence can sometimes leave space for fear to grow. Thoughtful, age-appropriate conversations can help children feel informed, emotionally supported, and empowered. While these discussions may feel heavy, they are also opportunities to build resilience, compassion, and a sense of safety within your family.
If possible, have conversations when you are feeling calm and grounded.
Before beginning a conversation with your kids about ICE, take some time to calm and ground yourself. Avoid having conversations right after seeing a scary news story or when you’re feeling panicked. Children are sensitive to our feelings and emotional state, and the more you feel safe and calm while talking about ICE, the more children will feel empowered.
Start with asking what your child already knows about ICE.
Many parents might be surprised what their kids have heard at school or seen online about ICE. By starting with what they know, you can make sure you answer their questions, debunk misconceptions, and create an open dialogue moving forward.
Acknowledge their feelings.
Let them know that their feelings matter. Talk about how our scared feelings are the part of us that love us and want us to be safe, our sad feelings tell us what’s important, and our angry feelings are the parts of us that want things to be fair and safe for everyone. We can listen to our feelings to help us know what is important to us. You can share that you feel sad, scared, and angry too. Importantly, let them know that while some circumstances might be scary, their feelings are always safe with you.
For activities to help work through feelings and build resilience, check out these activities from Learning Strategies for Refugee Children.
Use simple, honest, age appropriate language.
Different families will have different conversations. You know your family best. Adapt what you say to how much your family, school, and neighbordhood is being targeted by ICE, how old your children are, and how sensitive they are. You should also expect to have more than one conversation – as circumstances change and as your children come to you with more questions.
For examples of language to use, and other resources, check out this page by Defending the Early Years.
The Children’s Network of Solano County prepared this website resource for kids. Try reading it together with your child.
Make sure your children know their rights
Make sure they know that they don’t have to open the door for ICE, they don’t have to talk to ICE, and they can ask for a lawyer.
For tips on helping kids know their rights, making a safety plan, and more, check out this website from The Children’s Network of Solano County.
Share your family’s safety plan.
Make a safety plan for your family based on the level of risk your family is in, and share that plan with your child in age appropriate ways. Help children to know name’s and phone numbers of important people, who will take care of them if parents are not available, and where important papers are kept. Practice your safety plan with your family. Talk about who are safe adults they can talk to about their feelings.
The Minnesota Association for Children’s Mental Health prepared the following PDFs as free resources:
- When Children are Afraid of a Parent’s Deportation (in English, Spanish, Korean, Mandarin, Somali, Karen, Portuguese, Hmong)
- Supporting Children After a Parent’s Deportation or Detention (English, Spanish, Somali, Haitian Creole, Pashto, Dari, Portuguese, Karen, Hmong, Ukrainian)
Look for the helpers.
When you are telling the story of ICE, make sure to also talk about the thousands and thousands of people who are working very very hard to change things, and how they are having successes, even though we still have work to do. You can show them curated pictures and videos of protests and marches so they can see how many helpers there are.
BE a helper.
Find age appropriate ways for your children and family to be involved in helping change things. Action helps us be brave during scary and anxious moments. Get involved in ways that make sense for your family – reach out to organizations that are supporting imigrants, talking to elected officials, and get involved in protests. Children can make care packages, write letters, and practice being kind, brave, and inclusive towards other children and families.
When Liam Ramos and his father were taken, his class mates wrote letters on his behalf to help raise awareness and get him and his dad returned home. This video by The New York Times shows some of them reading those letters.
This article by a Gen Zer about how teens can help has great examples and is an example of advocacy in and of itself.
As much as it is safe to do so, stick to routines.
Consistency and knowing what to expect creates an internal sense of safety. Try to start and end your day with the same routine to help create grounding and predictability. Don’t forget to include joy, play, and connection in your routines!
Be thoughtful about media.
Avoid showing kids videos of violence, especially young kids. Their brains are not wired to see those things and understand them well. Instead, read books that help your kids to be compassionate, smart, and brave. Check out books from the library that share age appropriate stories of immigration, living through fascism and violence, and being brave. This can also include fantasy stories of heroes fighting monsters or facing difficult circumstances and overcoming them.
Check out this list of books for all ages about migration, immigration, and refugees to help guide your conversations and build compassion and empathy.
Don’t be alone in this.
Find other parents to connect with, get support from friends and therapists, join groups of people doing work to help change things. Look for immigrant rights organizations and mutual aid networks in your area.
There is no perfect script for talking about ICE — only presence, honesty, and connection. What matters most is that your child feels safe coming to you with their questions and emotions. By staying grounded, building a family safety plan, highlighting helpers, and creating space for action, you help transform fear into resilience. And remember: you don’t have to navigate this alone. Seek support, stay connected to community, and continue nurturing the routines, play, and relationships that remind your child — even in uncertain times — that they are deeply loved and not alone.
