Consent begins in early childhood—not as a single “talk,” but as an ongoing language of respect. Children learn through the messages we send about their bodies, choices, and relationships.
When we teach consent developmentally, we help children understand that:
- Everyone’s body is their own.
- Bodies give us clues about what feels good or not so good.
- Differences are normal—some people like big hugs, some like high-fives, and some like space—and that’s all okay.
- We can show care and connection and honor boundaries at the same time.
These ideas begin long before children can articulate them. From infancy through adolescence, our daily interactions—how we change diapers, greet relatives, or talk about personal space—become the foundation for how children understand respect and consent.
Infants & Toddlers (0–3 years): Building Body Awareness Through Respectful Care
In the earliest years, consent starts with the caregivers’ tone and actions. Simple, respectful communication during caregiving routines teaches children that their body belongs to them and their signals matter.
- Narrate routines respectfully: “I’m going to wipe your hands now,” “I’m putting your socks on.”
- Offer micro-choices when possible: “Do you want me to help you or do it yourself?”
- Notice and name cues: “You’re turning away—that tells me you’re done.”
- Model checking in: “Do you want comfort or space?”
These small moments build trust and lay the groundwork for children to recognize and express what feels right for them.
Preschoolers (3–5 years): Learning Autonomy, Differences, and Turn-Taking
As children become more independent, their understanding of consent expands to include others. They begin to notice that people have different needs for touch, space, and connection—and that all those differences are okay.
- Introduce body differences neutrally: “Some kids like big hugs, some like hand hugs, and some like waves.”
- Offer choices for connection: “Would you like a hug, a high-five, or to wave goodbye?”
- Practice asking before touching: “Let’s check if your friend wants a hug.”
This is also a great stage to emphasize fairness and trust through turn-taking rather than forced sharing:
“It’s your turn now, and then it’ll be Maya’s turn next.”
When cultural or family expectations arise—like Grandma wanting a hug—you can model how to balance respect and autonomy:
“Grandma really loves you and wants to feel close. I see your body doesn’t feel like hugging right now. Is there another way you’d like to say hi—maybe a hand hug, a high-five, or a special wave?”
Early Elementary (6–8 years): Expanding Awareness and Respect for Others
School-age children are ready to apply the language of consent to friendships and group settings. This is the time to help them connect empathy with boundaries.
- Normalize differences: “Some kids like to sit close; others like more space. We can notice what works for each person.”
- Practice verbal consent: “Can I join your game?” “Is it okay if I sit here?”
- Continue using “comfort or space?” as a check-in when emotions rise.
- Reinforce group agreements and fairness rather than forced sharing.
These conversations help children see consent not as a rule, but as a way to care for themselves and others.
Preteens (9–12 years): Applying Consent to Social and Emotional Boundaries
As preteens grow more socially aware, consent becomes about feelings, privacy, and friendships—not just physical touch. They begin to notice that boundaries can shift depending on the situation and the people involved.
- Explore boundaries in friendships: “It’s okay to need alone time, and it’s okay to want connection too.”
- Reinforce ongoing consent: “You can say yes and change your mind later.”
- Begin talking about digital and social consent—asking before taking photos, sharing information, or posting online.
By helping preteens navigate these early social pressures, we give them the tools to practice consent in both emotional and digital spaces.
Teens (13+ years): Navigating Power and Pressure
For teens, consent becomes increasingly complex. It’s no longer just about touch—it’s about relationships, emotions, and understanding power dynamics.
Power can show up in obvious ways—like when someone’s older or in charge—but also in subtle ways, such as wanting someone’s approval or avoiding conflict. These pressures can make choices feel confusing.
You can help teens tune into what’s happening underneath those moments:
“If saying no feels hard because you don’t want to lose connection, that’s a sign to pause and check in with yourself.”
Remind them that real consent means both people feel safe and unpressured—whether in person, over text, or online. At home, you can keep modeling this by offering choice and timing:
“Do you want to talk about it now or later?”
When teens see that their voices matter even in family conversations, they learn that true consent is about staying connected and true to themselves.
Resources to Keep the Conversation Going
Teaching consent is an ongoing journey—one that grows alongside your child. These books and videos offer simple, age-appropriate ways to keep building language, empathy, and respect at home and in the classroom.
Note: These resources are not limited to the ages listed. We encourage you to preview each one and use your best judgment to decide what fits your child’s readiness and your family’s values.
Infants & Toddlers (0-3 years)
- Eyes, Nose, Belly, Toes: My First Human Body Book by Krupa Bhojani Playforth
Preschoolers (3–5 years)
- No Means No! by Jayneen Sanders
- My Body Belongs To Me! by Larissa Rhone
- Bodies Are Cool by Tyler Feder
Video — “That’s a Boundary” Song
Early Elementary (6–8 years)
- Let’s Talk About Body Boundaries, Consent and Respect by Jayneen Sanders
Preteens (9–12 years)
- Parenting book — Sex, Teens, & Everything in Between by Shafia Zaloom
- Video — #ConsentForKids
Teens (13+ years)
- Article Reading — Driver’s Ed for the Sexual Superhighway: Navigating Consent by Heather Corinna
- Video — What is Consent? (in collaboration with Newcastle University Students)
Let’s Keep Building Respect Together
Consent isn’t about teaching kids to push others away—it’s about helping them stay connected while trusting themselves. When children learn they can say “no” or “not right now,” and still be loved, they grow up knowing that relationships built on respect are relationships worth keeping.
If you’d like more support in putting these ideas into practice, our Parent Support and Coaching services can help. We work with parents to build confidence, language, and strategies for navigating topics like boundaries, body respect, and emotional connection—so you can feel supported at every stage of your child’s development.
